Image Source: www.cakeworkscentral.com

I hope all of you will join me in wishing our man Brandon a Very Happy Birthday.

As most of you who regularly read Brandon’s posts already know, he enjoys a good rant now and again. He’s not shy about letting us know he thinks a product (lets just say a Zune as a totally random example) is like nothing as much as a steaming pile of excrement.  And he’ll not hesitate to let us know that he is just a wee bit bitter and twisted about that lack of 3G data in Denver.  Or to get anything else off his chest when the mood strikes.

So … by way of a present to all of us, rather than the birthday boy, I’d like to offer my personal shortlist of Favorite Brandon Rants posts and quotes. Read on for the list …

So here’s my list:

iPhone does not change anything – says Microsoft

I’m sorry, but this clown needs to be tossed out of the building on his ass in front of every other employee at Microsoft, and then Steve Ballmer needs to walk up the to the microphone and tell everyone that they need to innovate or die.

Emotive Announces ‘Push Ringer’

Welcome to the land of all your ringer are belong to me. Or maybe this is the land of stupid crap to annoy your friends with. Or maybe it’s the land of “if you make me listen to Boy George one more time when you call me I’m going to come over there and kick your a$$“!!!

Short Rant – Nokia N95 Multimedia Computer

The N95 is a SMARTPHONE. Yes it has some computer like qualities… but it is not a bloody computer. Can I load iTunes on it? Can it run Divx 6.5?  Tivo to go? Debian? Ubuntu? Red Hat? Windows XP? Crossover Office? NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE. I don’t call my BlackJack a Multimedia Computer…

The iPod – It’s Not Just for Baseball

I hate baseball. Ok, not hate – but heavily avoid like it has a Black Plague effect on the people who come into contact with it. I played as kid, I play when we have company parties, I don’t throw like a girl and I was a dammed good catcher, but try watching this crap on TV.

Rant: I feel somewhat “inadequate” now that you’ve renamed my Mobile OS

I love the concept Patrick has in mind where they all become smartphones by generic name but these underpowered, incredibly crippled crap boxes need to be named completely separate from all other versions of Windows Mobile just because they suck so much more than the rest.

Tag … I’m so not it. (not really a rant but love the line below)

Shocker coming. I’m a glass is half-empty kinda guy. Actually the glass was half empty but some moron just spilled it kinda guy. I’m not a nice person … but I’m working on it everyday and my wife thinks that by the time I kick the proverbial bucket I might just be a glass is 1/3rd full kind of person!!

I Want Some of The Drugs the Zune People Have!!!

Second – this ad is great. Nothing says sharing like some multi-eyed creature puking out an eyeball to his buddy’s mouth.

RANT: Zune, UMPC, PPC – what it means to me…

Seriously, between the PPC, UMPC and Zune I’m really starting to wonder if Microsoft has any idea what’s going on… they’ve got 3 devices on the market (or soon to be) that don’t fill any gaps, and don’t have a good target market. At least not a target market that is going buy a device that doesn’t do what they need and costs a lot of money for that nothing.

And finally …

Hawaii Gets 3G Service Before Denver (post title may have been modified a little here)

Ok … NOW I AM PISSED OFF #%$&#* … so most of this is not going to make much sense.

There ya go – that’s my little shortlist of some favorite rants and quotes from Brandon. Let me know your favorites, or which great ones I missed. Or check out some of Brandon’s superb reviews and great tips he’s provided for JAMM readers – see All of Brandon’s Posts Here.

Oh, just one more thing – why the Minnie Mouse cake Brandon may wonder. Well, because Killer The Hamster dropped the ball and didn’t get a proper one, and because if I try to show my daughter the site, she looks at me with eyes that are begging for a break and a chance to watch paint dry. So now I can show her Minnie and maybe get a smile. Not sure how that ties in with Brandon’s birthday, but anyway … Happy Birthday mate.

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